J'ai besoin de parle français!

Ugh...Québec me manque.

I thought I would get over this...but I'm not. I thought maybe I just missed traveling and seeing new places...but I don't think that's it. I went to Wisconsin and really liked it, I went to Ohio and had a great time, I love going to MA and PA, I just went to freakin' New Orleans and had an absolute blast. And yeah, I miss all those places, especially New Orleans, but not the way I miss Québec. I think about Québec so much, and speaking French, and running down the roads in Québec, and listening to their music, and dancing their dances, and the improv competition, and just...Québec. I can't think about Québec without feeling an intense pang of...what? Desire? Sadness? Grief? I don't know. I just know I always wind up getting teary-eyed, and not being able to think about anything else, and having to put on music from Québec just to get through it. I really miss it. I miss the whole experience, and all the people, I think about it all the time. But I feel like it wasn't just the fact that I was in a really cool program; it was partially that I experienced that program in such a great place. I feel like I need to go back, to see if I'm just making this up, or if I really do miss it that much...

Right now, I think the worst is when I'm in sign language class. Whenever I don't know a word, I think of it in French, and then I get an intense desire to speak French. And of course I can't, but ugh how I want to! Je veux parle français, et étudie plus de la langue, et juste...je ne sais pas...je veux plus du français canadien. I'm afraid I'm forgetting stuff, and I have no real outlet to get it back right now...

I still don't know what I'm doing next year. Grad school in the fall probably isn't happening, France probably isn't happening, a music job probably isn't happening. What am I doing? All I know is I reference Québec so often...even now, more than half a year later...and I don't want to forget it.

What Am I Doing...

The point of this blog entry is to complain...just to warn you.

I don't know what to do with my life...I'm going to try to look for teaching jobs next year, and apply to grad schools I can commute to, but...I still miss Quebec. So many things remind me of Quebec...I want to go back so bad. I was hoping to apply to McGill University and maybe live in Quebec for grad school, but their performance program is not for me and they want students with at least 2 years teaching experience for their education program. So...do I go get a job here for two years, and then go get a degree from McGill? Do I keep searching for...for what? I considered getting a grad degree in French rather than music, but...that doesn't seem like the best idea. I don't know I don't know I don't know. I want to teach music, I want to play music, I want to speak French more, I want to go back to Quebec, I want...I don't know what I want.

I want to know which road I should take next...

Tous me manque

I miss Québec so much. I need to go back. I'm going back. I can't go teach abroad next year, so now I will start looking at grad schools for music in Québec. Maybe I'll find a place where I can speak French, play music, and get some kind of French and Music grad degree. Or something. I don't know. But I know it's been over three months and I still think about almost every day and feel so...so...

I need to go back. I'm going to go back. J'ai besoin de retournerai à Québec. Vite vite vite. Je suis triste, mais je suis heureuse. Alma me manque. Tout le monde me manque. Tous les choses me manque. Le langue français me manque me manque me manque!!!

student teaching begins...

So...haven't written on here in awhile...

I'm watching an advisory class at my student teaching placement right now, having not much to do. Yay. (I've been busy; this is just a random moment of free time).

I'm still looking into volunteering to teach abroad next year. Student teaching is okay, but I really don't think I want to become a band teacher. I just don't care about how to maintain non-percussion instruments, conduct a band, etc. I'm doing all of it now of course, and my cooperating teacher seems to think I'm great, but this isn't 100% for me. I still think I would rather teach something like general music...or teach in French in some place other than here.

I've been trying to find out how to apply for a Fulbright scholarship so I can afford to go teach in New Zealand or somewhere next year, but finding information is proving to be more difficult than I thought. If anyone would like to share a tidbit of helpful info with me, feel free!

Ok...probably should get back to watching this class lol...

Quebec me manque

I miss Quebec. I miss Alma. I miss tout le monde, and I miss speaking French!!!

I miss it all. I miss everything, and everyone. I miss it all so much that I'm sitting here, sweating on the floor of my dorm room, listening to la musique québécoise, trying trying trying to understand everything, wishing I could be hearing it where it was made. Ohhhhh I miss Quebec. You know that feeling you get when you're about to cry? I get that feeling so much when I think about Quebec, and all the wonderful people I met there, and all the amazing things we did. Why did that 5-week dream have to end? I love my life, but I miss Quebec...

What if I'm not meant to become a music teacher here? What if I'm supposed to become fluent in French, move to Quebec, and teach English? Or music? Can I please have French back in my life? And the québécois traditions? I never thought I'd say this, but I miss wearing a flowing skirt. I miss jamming on my harmonica at a fire, dancing the traditional dances, going for a walk after dinner, sitting on the porch studying French while eating crème yogourt, riding a bike and swimming in the lake, and SPEAKING FRENCH. I need to find someone to talk to...to hear French, to speak French, to learn French. I wish I could just...make it all come back. Stay for another five weeks? Five months? Can I please do something? I think about it all so often...can I have Quebec back?

Paris 36

I just watched a film which I can describe as nothing less than spectacular.

The film was Paris 36, or Faubourg 36, as it was entitled in French. It was the story of a musical theater in the 1930's. Fascism and anti-Semitism are running rampant, strikes are happening all over France, and the theater gets caught up in the whole mess of things and is forced to close. A singing sensation, a comedian called Jacky Jacquet, and a lot of determined unemployed men try to save the theater and find happiness again.

All in all this was a typical, somewhat-predictable, mostly musical movie that some people groan at and other people love. I happen to be one of the latter kinds of people, so I thought this was great. Highly recommend it, no complaints!

4.5 de 5 étoiles

Entre les murs

New film review:

The Class ("Entre les murs" en français)

I watched this film in French without any subtitles. For that reason, I was extremely grateful for the typical teacher-inspiration storyline. Even without comprehending all the dialog, I was able to get the gist of the film (teacher in poor, urban district inspires students). The main character was a really good teacher, so not only was I watching the film for French comprehension, but I was getting teacher tips from it as well! Also, I liked the fact that this guy was playing the role of a French teacher, so I was benefitting from his grammar lessons as well.

4 de 5 étoiles

Seducing Doctor Lewis:

I watched this in Québec with Eva and Emily and loved it. This time, it was with English rather than French subtitles, but still a great film!

4.5 de 5 étoiles

On another note...

Applying to ethnomusicology grad programs is proving to be more difficult than I imagined. Most schools only want applicants who have done fieldwork in ethnomusicology, therefore I'm at a loss. BUT never fear, crazy ideas are here!

Fact: The current economy makes it difficult to find a job (especially when you're looking for a music teaching position!).

Solution: Look somewhere else!

The Plan: My study abroad advisor just told me about Fulbright Scholarships, which can be used to fund research and work efforts in foreign countries. So...there are lots and lots of volunteer teaching opportunities in other countries, and most are happy to take on music teachers. The guy who teaches Fine Arts at my summer camp actually spent time teaching art in Africa through one such program, so why can't I do the same? Teaching abroad would not only get my foot in the door for teaching, but also allow me to do fieldwork that could possibly help me get into an ethnomusicology program in the future, and once again gives me a good reason to travel. Too good to be true? Maybe.

More research to come...