I thought I would get over this...but I'm not. I thought maybe I just missed traveling and seeing new places...but I don't think that's it. I went to Wisconsin and really liked it, I went to Ohio and had a great time, I love going to MA and PA, I just went to freakin' New Orleans and had an absolute blast. And yeah, I miss all those places, especially New Orleans, but not the way I miss Québec. I think about Québec so much, and speaking French, and running down the roads in Québec, and listening to their music, and dancing their dances, and the improv competition, and just...Québec. I can't think about Québec without feeling an intense pang of...what? Desire? Sadness? Grief? I don't know. I just know I always wind up getting teary-eyed, and not being able to think about anything else, and having to put on music from Québec just to get through it. I really miss it. I miss the whole experience, and all the people, I think about it all the time. But I feel like it wasn't just the fact that I was in a really cool program; it was partially that I experienced that program in such a great place. I feel like I need to go back, to see if I'm just making this up, or if I really do miss it that much...
Right now, I think the worst is when I'm in sign language class. Whenever I don't know a word, I think of it in French, and then I get an intense desire to speak French. And of course I can't, but ugh how I want to! Je veux parle français, et étudie plus de la langue, et juste...je ne sais pas...je veux plus du français canadien. I'm afraid I'm forgetting stuff, and I have no real outlet to get it back right now...
I still don't know what I'm doing next year. Grad school in the fall probably isn't happening, France probably isn't happening, a music job probably isn't happening. What am I doing? All I know is I reference Québec so often...even now, more than half a year later...and I don't want to forget it.
