Arrrrgh

So...I've been trying to research grad schools, and decide what I want to major in, and where I want to go, and what I want to do with the rest of my life. But...I'm grasping at thin air.

Here's what I know:

• I LOVED being in Québec. So much.
• I've always enjoyed learning new languages.
• I've always enjoyed playing music.
• I always turn to my drum set when I need to let loose.
• I don't miss being in wind ensemble or orchestra at all.
• All my experiences in any jazz band have been awesome...and it's the only type of ensemble I miss.
• I love reading, especially aloud to kids.
• I hardly get homesick and love traveling places.
• I love warm weather and being outdoors.
• I love playing softball.
• I like doing research papers.
• I miss writing songs.
• I'm not the most social person.
• I love being active. Sitting around all day kills me.
• I like planning things and would rather oversee most things than participate.
• Improvisation is awesome...in all forms (like drama class at the library, L'Impro in Québec, jazz improv, etc.).
• I don't really like conducting.
• I like playing the saxophone.
• I like experimenting with foods and making things healthy.
• I like volunteering my time in meaningful ways and doing community service.
• There are a few places I've always wanted to go in my life: Vancouver, Canada; Australia; Ireland.

...so what does this mean? I've been trying to put it all together and figure out what the heck I want to do with my life. Do I go to grad school for ethnomusicology and do research for the next two years? Do I go for jazz and play a lot? Do I go for something completely different? Or not at all? And WHERE do I go? Canada? The South? Stay here? And then what comes next? Ughhhhh I have so much trouble every time I come to one of these important life-changing decisions. Every time, I feel so lost until something clicks and it all falls into place. But...this has to fall into place real soon since I have to have any audition materials or research papers submitted by December. And what about VISTA AmeriCorps? Am I going to love it? Would I want to sign on for another year? Who knows! And...do I want to be in Québec when it's not the summer? Or will it be too cold? I hardly have any ties right now, nothing is holding me back, but where am I going???????

Arrrrgh.

Also, I just made Jam Bars:

Mix 1 cup flour, 1/2 cup sugar, 1 tsp baking powder, 1 cup oats, pinch of salt in a bowl. Add a little water to make it crumbly. Spread it in a pan, spread any kind of jam on top (whatever amount you want). Add a few more crumbs on top, bake at 375 for 45 minutes. Yay.